


The Sock Zone

by DizzyDrea



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Socks, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:20:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28829541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzyDrea/pseuds/DizzyDrea
Summary: On a planet they've never visited before, Jim, Spock and Uhura discover the last thing they'd have expected.
Relationships: Spock/Nyota Uhura
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25





	The Sock Zone

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was talking to my father about missing socks, because my mother had two black socks that didn't match each other (typical). I said something about the Sock Zone spitting out socks on the other side of the galaxy, and that somewhere out there, people were wearing socks on their heads. And lo and behold, fic was born. /facepalm/ I have no idea, at all, what this even is. Just go with it.
> 
> Also, Hoshall's is actually a salon in Folsom, CA. For some reason, it made sense in my head. /shrugs/
> 
> Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry, CBS, Paramount, JJ Abrams, Bad Robot Productions and a lot of other people who aren’t me. I am doing this for fun and for practice. Mostly for fun.

~o~

James T. Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise, took a deep breath as he took in his surroundings.

As part of the Five-Year Mission, Enterprise was making stops at various allied planets throughout the quadrant, as well as making contact with new worlds, seeking potential allies and members of the Federation. 

Two days ago, they'd discovered a system not on any known star charts: a three-planet system consisting of a gas giant that rivaled the size of Jupiter, a tiny planetoid circling the star at a ridiculously close distance, and a Class-M planet in the Goldilocks Zone. 

The radio transmission from the planet had been a surprise, as it was on a low-power frequency that Starfleet didn't normally use. Mostly, they scanned it for the sounds of stars; Jim would often cue up the frequency when he was working late in his quarters. The Enterprise's computers translated it into something like music; it was actually quite soothing and of all the music files available to him, he found the sound of stars to be the one best able to help him focus when he was working on ship's status reports—the bane of every captain's existence.

Now, though, they were actually dirtside on this world the natives called Hoshall. It was… beautiful. Ethereal. The sky was a beguiling shade of lavender, and the grasses dancing in the slight breeze were a rust color that was striking. They'd settled into geosynchronous orbit over the capital city, which was located in the mountains, overlooking the shore of an ocean of the most fascinating shade of purple anyone had ever seen. 

Jim was, in a word, enthralled.

He'd never been one for staying put too long; he loved being in space, loved the act of exploration and facing the unknown. But this… well, he might stay in one place for this.

He could see in the distance a group of people making their way through the field. He had no idea why the First Minister had sent them these particular coordinates, but he had to think it was so he could see this exact view: the dancing red grass, the blue mountains rising up behind him, white snow capping their peaks—because at least something had to look Earth-normal—and the low roar as the sea water crashed into the shore.

"It would appear the First Minister has come to greet us personally," Spock murmured at his side.

Hendorf shuffled his feet, but his security guard didn't otherwise react. Beside him, Uhura was pushing her shoulders back, preparing to greet their hosts. There hadn't been any briefing materials for her to distribute, so she'd spent the intervening day talking to the First Minister's staff, trying to make sure they didn't inadvertently step on anyone's toes.

As their hosts drew closer, Jim squinted. There was something strange about their appearance. They seemed human enough, though appearances could be deceiving. Jim had promised to get Bones a tour of their medical facilities so they could start compiling the data files they'd need to send off to Federation HQ.

When the First Minister and what appeared to be his staff had almost reached them, Jim finally got a good look at them, and he nearly choked on his own spit.

"Is that—"

"It would appear that the First Minister is wearing a sock on his head," Spock said, clearly just as confused as Jim was.

"Why is he wearing a sock?" Jim asked, sotto voce.

"Maybe it's the height of fashion on Hoshall," Uhura said. "And before you ask, none of their briefing materials mentioned socks."

"Ah, Captain Kirk," the First Minister said, face full of sunshine and smiles. He reached out with ease and shook the hand Jim had extended. "I am pleased to make your acquaintance. Welcome to Hoshall. I hope you find our world to be all you expect it to be."

"Thank you, First Minister," Jim said, pumping the enthusiastic man's hand. He extracted his own with some difficulty. "May I present my First Officer, Commander Spock, and our Communications Officer, Lieutenant Uhura."

"Welcome, welcome," he said. "I am First Minister Simka Joshu. My Second Minister, Illashu Tal and my Chief Communicator Hevesh Mossoo, whom I believe your Lieutenant has had extensive conversations with."

"I have," Uhura said. "It's nice to meet you in the flesh."

The three sunny smiles faltered slightly, until the First Minister's expression cleared into understanding. "Ah, yes, I see what you mean. Among the Hoshall, to say 'in the flesh' means to appear without covering."

"Oh, my apologies," Uhura said, eyes wide. "I didn't mean to imply that you were… we would call it naked. Without clothes on. When I say 'in the flesh', I mean in person."

"I suspected as much," Joshu said. He seemed unruffled by the gaffe, but it made Jim nervous. What other verbal land mines were they about to step on? "The data you sent on your language was thorough, but I fear that we will struggle for some time with all the nuances."

"Not to worry," Jim said, pasting a smile on his face. "Our Lieutenant Uhura is a wonder with languages. I'm sure she can have a look at your translator and make some improvements."

"We would welcome her assistance," Joshu said. "Now, as a gesture of welcome to our world, we would like to present you with our traditional head dress."

Joshu turned around and took something from the outstretched hands of his Chief Communicator. When he turned back around, he was holding a sock. A rather large sock, more like a stocking. Joshu held it out, an expectant look on his face.

"Thank you, First Minister," Jim said, trying valiantly to keep the confusion and distaste off his face. It was a sock, for crying out loud. The expectant looks on the Hoshalls' faces made him think that if he didn't put it on, it wouldn't go over well at all. So, with a deep breath, he put the sock on, pulling the sides down over his ears. "How do I look?"

Beside him, he could hear Uhura practically choking on her laughter. When he turned to Spock, his First Officer merely raised an eyebrow. Jim knew that eyebrow. It was the one that said he was being ridiculous.

Not much Jim could do about that, but he resented the eyebrow anyway.

"And for your crew as well," Joshu said, handing a sock to both Spock and Uhura. 

It was Jim's turn to laugh as Spock pulled the sock on over his immaculate hair. The sour look on his face spoke volumes; Jim didn't need to be a telepath to know his First Officer was not happy. He almost lost it when he caught sight of Uhura. Her sock was bright pink, where Jim's had been a lovely shade of red, and Spock's matched his raven hair.

She was scowling at him, no longer amused by the insanity that was her Captain and her boyfriend wearing socks on their heads.

When he turned back to the First Minister, Joshu was beaming at them. "Captain, you look splendid!"

"Why thank you, First Minister," Jim said, going for jaunty and missing by a mile. Joshu didn't appear to notice, which was good. They'd already unknowingly insulted their hosts once. No way was he doing it again.

"May I ask a query?" Spock put in, just when Uhura had finally gotten herself under control.

"Certainly, Commander Spock," Joshu said. "We welcome your questions. It is my hope that this visit will engender a greater understanding between our two peoples."

"Why do you wear socks on your head?"

Jim gaped at his First Officer, and Uhura gasped beside him, but if the Hoshall were offended at all, they didn't show it. They just smiled, as though wearing socks were really the most normal thing in the universe.

"The hatshi has been part of our formal dress for much of recorded history," Joshu said. "It comes to us from The Well of Generosity. We have been blessed over the years with an abundance of hatshi. Only the finest become part of our formal robes. Some are tattered when they arrive, and so they are repurposed, but we do not waste what has been given to us."

"Wait, what do you mean 'when they arrive'?" Jim asked.

"The Well of Generosity gifts the hatshi to us, Captain," Joshu said. "We do not know from where the Well takes this bounty, but we receive it with a glad heart."

Jim glanced at Spock, who raised that damnable eyebrow at him, though Jim could see his point. Something worth investigating, then.

"Would it be possible for us to see this Well?" he asked the First Minister.

Uhura sighed. That was the sort of question that had led to other crews on other ships being arrested, tortured and/or executed, so he could see why she'd be exasperated, but they needed to know what the hell was going on. There was something odd about the whole sock thing, and Jim was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Fortunately, the First Minister seemed unphased by his request. He simply smiled at the Captain. "Of course. We would be honored to show you The Well of Generosity. Please, follow me."

The First Minister turned and started walking back across the field where he'd come from. Spock fell in beside Jim, and Uhura and Hendorf brought up the rear, along with the Second Minister and the Chief Communicator. 

Jim looked around them as they walked, but he couldn't see anything that looked like a city, or even a vehicle they could use to travel to a city. Instead, they were approaching a stand of trees. 

The closer they got, the easier it became to see what they were actually looking at was a grouping of towers made to look like trees. Each one had a door embedded in the surface. When they got close to the central tower, the door slid open. Jim looked up, following the line of the tower when he finally saw it: a train trestle being held up by the towers. Nearly silent trains sailed past them between the towers, moving to and from the mountains in the distance.

"It's amazing," Uhura whispered. Jim had to agree.

They stepped inside the tower and rode the elevator up to the platform, where they boarded a waiting train and headed off toward the mountains.

"This is amazing," Jim said. "Near silent propulsion, elevated tracks. The technology for this must be complex."

"We pride ourselves on our ability to live with nature, and not disturb it," Joshu said. "These trains do no harm to the environment, but they add to the beauty of the field. As with all things, we must respect the land that provides for our needs."

"That is a laudable goal, First Minister," Spock said.

Very soon, the train entered the mountain, opening up to several large caverns where there were thriving cities with buildings carved into the rock and rising out of the cavern floor. Stunning couldn't even begin to describe what they were seeing.

The train came to a halt in front of a beautiful glass and metal building near the center of the largest city. Joshu led them into the building and down several flights of stairs to a basement level that had to be hundreds of feet underground. They passed through several rooms until they came to a room with a very large door.

"This is The Well of Generosity," Joshu said, turning to face them. "Behind this door is the foundation of our civilization. If you will follow me, I will show you what it means to be Hoshall. I would advise you to keep your distance. There have been those who have entered here and never returned. It is not wise to be reckless here."

"We'll be careful," Jim said. 

The First Minister nodded, turned and entered some complicated series of digits into the terminal next to the door. The heavy door split in two, and the two halves swung outward, revealing a huge, cavernous room. At the far side, behind what looked like a forcefield, was…

"Is that a wormhole?" Jim asked.

"It is the Well of Generosity," Joshu said solemnly. "From this Well springs all of the fabric we use in our clothing. No one on Hoshall will ever need go without. Some we can wear without alteration, but some—as I've said—is worn and must be recycled into other fabrics. Generosity became the cornerstone of our society as a result."

"It's the Sock Zone," Uhura muttered.

"I am unfamiliar with that spatial anomaly," Spock said.

"The Sock Zone," Jim repeated. "On Earth, when we lose a sock in the laundry, we say that it fell into the Sock Zone. Could there really be…?"

"No way," Uhura said. "No way every sock I've ever lost in the clothing fresher ended up here."

"And yet, they are wearing socks on their heads," Spock said. "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains—however improbable—must be the truth."

"You're quoting Sherlock Holmes at me?" Uhura asked.

"Pardon me," Joshu said. "If I understand you correctly, you believe the bounty we have enjoyed over many hundreds of years could have come from your world?"

"Um, yes?" Jim said tentatively. 

He didn't want to upset the Hoshall, considering those socks had become such an integral part of their society. And considering that part of their mission was to secure new members of the Federation, he definitely didn't want to piss off the Hoshall and lose their potential interest in the Federation.

Joshu's face broke out into a huge grin, and he threw his arms around Jim, hugging him for all he was worth. He finally pulled back, hands still gripping Jim's arms, grin still firmly in place. "Why this is wonderful news, Captain! We have never known where our bounty has come from. To meet those who have been sending us such wonderful gifts is cause for celebration! You will stay and allow us to fete you for your generosity, won't you?"

Jim's smile was pained and a little wary, as he had no idea what Joshu had in mind, but Spock's cleared throat reminded him that he had yet to answer.

"Of course, we'll stay," he said, though he thought it might be the last thing he really wanted to do. "We'd love to take a tour of your communities, and perhaps, at some point we can discuss Federation membership."

"That would be lovely," Joshu said. "I would be happy to escort you. There is much we can both learn from each other, I think."

"Great," Jim said. "Let me just contact my ship and let them know we'll be staying."

"Of course, Captain," Joshu said. "Allow us to show you to guest quarters where you can refresh yourselves and enjoy a light meal. Then, perhaps, we can continue the tour."

"That sounds good," Jim said.

They followed Joshu out of the vault and back up to the main atrium. The place was bustling with activity, people coming and going, completely oblivious to what just happened.

"I will have Lexish show you to your rooms," Joshu said, pointing to the younger man who'd just materialized next to them from who knew where. "I look forward to speaking with you later."

"Thank you, Joshu," Jim said.

The First Minister took his leave then, still smiling and with a bit of a pep in his step. Jim turned to Spock and Uhura, both of whom were still looking both surprised and confused.

"Looks like we're staying for a few days," he said unnecessarily. "Do you two want to share a room, or would you prefer separate rooms?"

"Under the circumstances, separate rooms will be fine, Captain," Spock said. "We do not know how the Hoshall feel about unbonded couples. Much rests on our reception over the next few days."

"If you listen to them, we deserve a parade for giving them our socks," Uhura said with a dramatic eyeroll.

"Apparently, they take their socks seriously," Jim said, shaking his head, the sock he was wearing bobbing back and forth. "Alright, let's get to our quarters and then I've got to figure out how to explain this to Fleet HQ. They're going to laugh me off comms for this, I have no doubt."

"Better you than me," Uhura muttered.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Indeed."

"Gee, thanks," Jim said. He turned to the young man waiting patiently to one side. "Alright, lead the way."

Lexish nodded and turned, walking away without waiting to see if they were following. Jim glanced at his companions, shrugged and followed. He was getting a serious Groucho Marx vibe from the moment, but he didn't think anyone else would understand so he just kept his mouth shut.

Besides, it wasn't like the whole day hadn't been one great big surreal moment. Their hosts were wearing socks on their heads, after all.

~Finis


End file.
